Reaping Consequences Now Available

The final book in the Reaping Covetous series is now out and available in paperback and digital. The series has been an interesting journey for me. I’ve learned a lot but still have much more to discover. On a personal level, I’m happy with the way the series ended and I hope readers are too. I’m switching gears for my next book and Imperfectly Perfect Pixie, a fantasy m/m romance should be out in October.

Summer is still in full swing, but with the younger generation going back to school, it feels like we’re on the downward spiral. September is just a couple short weeks away. Fen Fen will turn 4 August 31st. I haven’t done as big of a party for him the past couple of years, but I will get some cupcakes, candles, and the ladies at work will humor me and sing happy birthday to him. Fen also has a birthday party hat that he wears each year. It is super cute on him.

I’ve finally put my bird feeders back out and once more, the wild birds are eating me out of house and home. I took them down last year when the birds seemed to have some sort of disease and the wildlife experts didn’t want them congregating and potentially spreading it around. I was going to put the feeders back out this spring, but then the nesting hawks found a home in my sycamore tree and it seemed like a poor idea. Or, at least it seemed like a cruel one. From what I read, red-tailed hawks eat more small rodents and snakes than birds, but they will eat our feathered friends and I felt like placing the bird feeders out was sort of like a free lunch for the hawks and a potential death sentence fo the smaller birds. Maybe I overthought things, but that’s nothing new for me.

As far as the hawks are concerned, my nesting pair successfully reared 2 out of 3 of their babies. One fell out of the sycamore tree when it was very young. The other two lived and I got to watch them hop through nearby trees and take small flights until they were ready to go farther out. I don’t see them much any longer. I do hear them at times, but again, not nearly so often. They were fun to watch and I loved having them. They were also a little disturbing at times. I was witness to one of the adult hawks carrying up a snake for their kiddos and got to see one of the youngsters slurp the snake down like a spaghetti noodle. That’s a mental image I’ll carry with me for a while.

Work is as busy as ever. Our third doctor started in June and he’s doing a great job, especially for just graduating from veterinary school. It’s fascinating, watching him grow and learn. It’s been 20 years since I was in that position and I don’t miss those days. The addition we’re putting on the clinic is taking shape. As with all things right now, supply is an issue and it takes longer than it should to get anything done as we wait for the next product to come in. It will be nice when it’s done. Sometimes I fear we’ve already outgrown the addition before it’s complete.

I hope you are all doing well. Some days, that’s a difficult bill to fill. A little over a month ago, I had COVID for the first time and have to say I don’t care to have it again. Thankfully I recovered just fine, but felt like shit while I had it. My sense of smell was gone for about 2 weeks after. It’s back now and I have to say I think the sense of smell might be overrated, at least in my profession. I didn’t miss being able to smell anal glands, poo, bloody poo, vomit, tom-cat urine, etc . . .

I’m wishing everyone well and hope you enjoy the final installment of the Reaping Covetous series. I’m going to miss the characters, but they stay with me, whispering in the back of my mind, telling me their stories.

MJ May

Pushing Up Roses: Reaping Covetous VI Available

Happy June everyone! I can’t believe it is June 1st already. I’m sure we’ll all be hearing that a lot today. I’d rather hear that than, “I can’t believe it’s January 1st”. But I’m not a big fan of winter so that just might be me.

The second to last book, Pushing Up Roses, in the Reaping Covetous series, is now available for purchase in digital and paperback from Amazon. I really like the cover on this one. If it’s not my favorite, then it’s in the top three. Hopefully, book seven, “Reaping Consequences” will be out in August. That will be the final book in this series. For those who read book six and seven, you can see there is a spin off that is swirling around in my brain. If it does get written, it won’t be for some time. There are some other ideas swimming the turbulent seas of my mind that will get done first.

Speaking of which, Perfectly Imperfect Pixie is finished and I just sent it to my good friend, Kathy, to see what she thinks. This is a M/M fantasy romance (getting back to my fan fiction roots). Kathy has the rather unenvious job of reading my stories before they see the light of an editor’s computer screen. That’s the mark of a good friend 🙂

Veterinary medicine is still kicking my ass, as well as most vets out there. Business certainly hasn’t slowed down. We are adding an expansion where I work, but it is very, very, very slow going. Anyone out there trying to build anything right now understands that struggle. There is a flurry of activity for a day or two and then a couple of weeks of nothing but the sound of crickets. It’s very frustrating but not much to be done about it beyond taking deep breaths and trudging on.

Our new veterinarian starts in a couple of weeks. We are all thrilled but like everything else that’s new in life, it will be an adjustment. As with building the addition, we’re also suffering from the nationwide woes of hiring more competent staff. I often find myself humming the Jack Johnson song, “Where’d all the good people go . . .”

On a different front, we must have had a kind winter because my plants have come back this year like never before. Everything is lush and beautiful outside. The hawk’s that nested in my sycamore tree have had baby woes. Their first clutch of eggs fell out of the nest during a huge windstorm. I wasn’t sure if they’d breed again, but they did. About 3 weeks ago, the eggs hatched and this past weekend I could see the baby hawks peeking their heads up. I was so excited but then we had tragedy again yesterday. I came home for lunch and found one of the babies dead at the base of the sycamore tree. With a heavy heart, I buried the little guy/gal behind the shed. The whole time I was digging, I kept thinking I was working my way to being on an episode of, “Buried in the Backyard”. Yes, I watch a little too much true crime. Home improvement and true crime shows . . . I think my television would go into shock if it played anything else.

That’s all for now. Newton and Copernicus are still doing well and Fennik is currently at the groomers getting all the nature bits and pieces his fur has collected removed. I don’t envy the groomers and always try and tip them well. From what I understand, Fen Fen is a good boy, but he’s got enough hair to outfit three cavalier king spaniels. At the end of the day, that’s a big job for even the most seasoned professional.

As always, stay well, safe and find joy and peace where you can. Keep your fingers crossed that some of my hawks make it out of the nest and into the air alive!

MJ May

Welcome Spring!

I know this isn’t necessarily a “springy” picture, but it is a good representation of what my evenings are like these days. I’m not sure why, but FenFen and Copernicus have decided they need to vie for my attention at night. In the picture, Copernicus is laying on my outstretched legs, head away from me and FenFen is snuggled up at my side, head on Copernicus’s back. Much to FenFen’s joy, Copernicus will even allow Fen to lick him from time to time. It is an odd set up, but evidently it works for them, even if it doesn’t exactly work for me when I’m trying to read.

We did have an absolutely beautiful day here in the Midwest where I live. The temperature was more like May than March. I’m not complaining. We’ve had a few days like that and it’s given me an opportunity to clean out the flower beds.

On a brand new spring note . . . a pair of red tailed hawks have built a nest in the large sycamore tree in front of my house. I’ve lived here for over fifteen years and this is a first. About three weeks ago, on one of those unseasonably warm days, I was out in the front yard, getting ready to pick up sticks and thought I heard a rustling sound in the tree. I looked up and thought, “Holy shit, that’s the largest squirrel nest I’ve ever seen.” About that time, I heard a loud screech and looked up to see it wasn’t a squirrel, but a hawk. It’s been interesting watching them. The nest has gotten more substantial over the past two weeks. I wish I could see them better but they are up too high. I could climb on the roof but with my fear of heights, that’s not wise. I’m excited to have them but admittedly disturbed when I see one of them fly overhead with some small mammal dangling from their talons. That’s a definite squishy ick feeling.

On the book writing front, Pushing Up Roses, the 6th installment in the Reaping Covetous series came back from line editing last week. I’ve been reading through the edits and it will go out again in another couple of weeks. Then it still has to go for proofreading so it’ll be another couple of months until it is published and available. Book 7, Reaping Consequences (the final book) is also done but hasn’t gone out for editing yet. I’m currently working on a book that has nothing to do with the series and it will probably be called, Perfectly Imperfect Pixie. I’m about half way through writing it but it isn’t schedule for editing until July so that one’s a loooong way out. I’ve got other stories milling about in my head to start on once I’m done with the pixie book (that’s what I keep calling it in my head, and in my computer).

Work is still crazy busy. I looked at the schedule the other day and noted I’m about 2 months booked out for surgery which just sounds insane to me. This May, I will have been a veterinarian for twenty years and I’ve never seen the schedule like it’s been the past couple of years. And it only seems to be getting worse. Our new veterinarian starts in June and we’ve already gotten him on the schedule to start making appointments for. Again, that just sounds crazy to me. But reality seems to be getting nuttier and nuttier. I’ve heard that ostriches don’t really stick their heads in the sand. Whether they do or not, currently, I don’t think it’s all that bad of a plan.

That’s about it for now. If I can ever get a better photo of the hawks, I’ll post it. My phone only zooms so far and most of the picture is sycamore tree with a tiny bird head somewhere in the middle. Not that they sycamore tree isn’t pretty and all . . . but I’d like more of the hawk.

Until the next time: Newton, Copernicus, FenFen and I wish you well. Hopefully spring comes on swift wings that have staying power.

MJ May

Ashes to Ashes is Now Available

Book V of the Reaping Covetous series is now available. There are two more books that are left in the series. Book VI, Pushing Up Roses, won’t be out for several months. Books VI and VII are written but haven’t gone through official editing yet. Book VI will go out soon for its first read through.

I’m glad this series is coming close to an end. I’ve enjoyed writing it and telling Leah, Dave, and Cecile’s stories, but I’m ready to move on to other things. I’ve got a few ideas floating around in my noggin’, which is better than some of the other things that often fill my head.

Work is . . . well . . . work. We are still super busy. A few weeks ago, my boss and co-worker had COVID. She is doing well and recovered quickly, but had to quarantine at home. That left me alone holding down the clinic fort for a few days. It was rough, but we got through it. The staff at the clinic did great and really pitched in to help. I think I did better through that than I’m doing now. I guess I’m just tired and there’s not really any relief from it. Taking time off is a bit of a pipe dream right now.

On a brighter note, we are well and truly getting a third doctor in June. Yeah! He will be a “baby vet” and we don’t want to throw him to the proverbial wolves, so we are going to try and take it easy on him with appointments. It will be slow going, but he’s a very intelligent and capable individual so I think he’ll do great and most likely quicker than I did when I just came out of school.

Speaking of just coming out of school, it’s hard for me to believe, but this May will mark twenty years since I graduated from veterinary school. Yikes! I feel old. At the same time, I wouldn’t want to go back to those days. I still struggle with cases, but not in the same way and not as badly as I did when I was fresh faced and wide eyed.

My pets are doing well. Fennik goes to the groomer today (thank God). He is really dirty. Of course, he’ll get dirty quickly again given that it is winter and the weather keeps us at a constant state of muddy. Poor Fen just has too much hair. I’ve often said, when they were passing out fur, Fen Fen stood in line twice.

I think that’s about it for now. I will try and post another update next month, even though there won’t be any new books out. Most likely you’ll all be subjected to more photos of my pets 🙂

Thank you for reading. Stay well, safe, and warm.

MJ May

Brother’s Keeper, Brother’s Reaper Reaping Covetous IV

Happy New Year! Wouldn’t it be nice if it really was that way—the turn of the calendar set things back to rights and erased the bad of the previous year. I suppose we’ll have to wait and see what 2022 has in store for us. So far, it looks like a repeat of the past couple of years.

The fourth book in the Reaping Covetous series is out and available on Amazon/Kindle in digital and paperback. The next in the series, Ashes to Ashes, will hopefully be available in late February or maybe March. I sent it today for proof reading and it should be back in 2-4 weeks and I am still waiting on the book cover so it’s a little up in the air. Book 6 is written but hasn’t gone out for editing at all, yet. I’m maybe half way through writing book 7, which is the final book in the series. I have a spin off series in mind plus other stories that have nothing to do with this one. I haven’t decided which way to go yet after Reaping Covetous is done.

On a different note, it looks like winter finally decided to show up this week in the Midwest. It is blustery and cold today and later this week the highs are supposed to struggle to get to 20 degrees. Brrrr . . . That’s getting a little on the nippy side. So far no major snow in the forecast which I’m more than okay with. I wouldn’t mind the snow if I didn’t have to shovel and try and drive in it. Snow and cold just makes like harder. Obviously, that’s just my opinion. There are some whacky people out there that actually like winter. Personally, I think they have a couple of screws loose in the noggin’ but hey, to each our own.

My pets are doing well. The kitties got a new water drinking fountain for Christmas. It’s just like there old one minus the lime scale buildup inside the pump and along the sides. I just put it out today and am amazed at the flow of the water. It makes the old one look even more tired. Newton and Copernicus have both been at the water fountain. I think they enjoy playing in it as much as drinking. Fennik likes it too. I can always tell from the water on the floor when he’s joined in on the fun.

Not much change to report in the veterinary profession. We are still very busy. I don’t anticipate that will ease up, even though this is supposed to be our “lighter” time of the year. My surgery schedule is currently book out through mid February and the doctor I work with is the same if not worse. We are still crossing our fingers that we might get a third doctor this year, but we don’t know for certain. It would be great to be able to take some of those vacation days that are written into my contract 🙂

That’s all for now. Please try and stay well—both mentally and physically. It’s a struggle out there. And for what it’s worth, I’m wishing all of you the happiest 2022 possible

MJ May

Dying to Reap You: Reaping Covetous III

The third book in the Reaping Covetous series if finally available on Amazon/Kindle. It took longer than I had planned, but sometimes plans don’t go the way you’d like. The editor that does the proofreading is having some health issues so getting it back took a little longer than expected. Since this is on my own timeline, that was okay. I’m wishing Rogina a healthy recovery from her recent struggles. Hopefully, book four will be out at the end of December or maybe January. I am currently working on book seven—the final one.

Thanksgiving went well this year. The weather was rainy, but other than that, it was nice. I don’t have a very large family, but we gathered at my house and ate some lovely, Midwestern, carbalicious food. I fully plan on repeating that menu in a couple of weeks when Christmas roles around. Thanksgiving was also nice because we got more time off from work. It was like a little, built in, mini staycation.

Speaking of work . . . big sigh . . . I’m afraid things are going to get even rougher in the new year. A local veterinary clinic won’t have a doctor at all come mid January and another close veterinary clinic is on life support—held together by relief doctors. The whole system is unsustainable and I’m unsure what will happen. We are trying to do the best we can without burning out our doctors or staff, but it is difficult. There will be, and currently are, a lot of displaced clients and patients looking for a new vet. Many veterinary clinics have stopped taking new clients because they can’t support the load. We are desperately trying not to decline new clients, but we are limiting the number of appointments we are making for them. We don’t want to, but we can only do so much. It is all very frustrating.

On another work note, we are hopefully adding on to the clinic. The plans are nearly finalized. I would guess work won’t start until next spring/summer. The ground should be getting colder (maybe). I’m certainly no construction guru though. And the weather is anything but what we might view as typical. Friday it was 60 degrees outside! That is unheard of for this time of year. Friday night through Saturday morning we had bad storms but I think my area of the country lucked out. We didn’t get the tornados that Kentucky and surrounding states did. My power was out from around 1:30 am to 4:30-5 am but other than that, my home and outdoor Christmas decorations weathered the storms.

Newton, Copernicus, and Fennik are all doing well. Fennik decided to roll in something in the yard last week that smelled god-awful. Then he kept wanting to go out and roll in it again and again. I had to watch him like a hawk every time he wanted to go outside. He also dove into the carpet when he got inside and decided to spread the lovely stench around. As I was giving him an impromptu bath that morning, I repeatedly told him that I loved him, but he was gross.

I think that’s about all for this post. For those of you reading the books, I hope you like the third installment. So far, I like this cover the best. Cheriefox did a great job on it.

Until next time, stay healthy—both physically and mentally. Since my next post probably won’t be until after Christmas, I’ll leave by saying happy holidays!

MJ May

Book II of Reaping Covetous is Out

Good morning everyone. “Dead Women Tell Tales” is now available on Amazon in both digital and paperback. This is the second book in the Reaping Covetous series. There will be seven in total. I’m hopeful book III, “Dying to Reap You”, will be available by the end of November. It is in the proofreading process right now. I will place the blurb for “Dead Women Tell Tales” at the end of this post.

In non-book news . . . my paying job goes on and is just as busy as it has been since COVID hit the US. The owner of the clinic I work in is in the process of planning an addition to our clinic. We need the extra space. I don’t relish the building process, but in the end, it will be worth it (hopefully:). My fingers are also still crossed that we will have another veterinarian on staff by next summer. We have a verbal agreement from a current veterinary student, but a lot can change between now and May. This young doctor will have a lot of opportunities when he graduates and I won’t hold it against him if he changes his mind.

My pets are doing well. Fennik is currently at the groomer. He needs a good washing, trimming, and brush out. The poor boy is like a walking rug and all that fur collects everything—including mud, food, water, and god only knows what else he gets into. He’s also a leaf magnet and given that Fall is under way, the house is once more littered with the debris he drags inside. On the plus side, Newton and Copernicus enjoy playing with the occasional leaf or two. I expect Fennik’s good smells to last three, maybe four days. I’ll cherish those better smelling days while they last.

Halloween is right around the corner and I’ve got the outside decorated. I had shorts and a t-shirt on when I put the decorations out and was still dripping sweat. I imagine I’ll have on a winter coat and be cursing the cold when I take them down. It’ll be even worse when it’s time to put up the Christmas lights. Sigh . . . I really don’t like winter.

I think that’s it for now. I’ll place the blurb for “Dead Women Tell Tales” below. If you read the books and enjoy them, please leave a review. That is super important to struggling authors. Now that I am one, I feel horribly guilty for all the books over the years I’ve liked and haven’t left a review for. Cue the next big sigh . . .

“Dead Women Tell Tales” Blurb:

Problems come in all shapes and sizes. Leah McKnight’s most recent problem is in the form of a woman decked out in a slinky black dress, with death-defying heels adorning her feet. Hovering at the base of the stairway she died on seven years ago, Eliza Morgan isn’t going anywhere without help.

If Leah’s cousin, Cecile, has any hope of visiting her new boyfriend in his home, Eliza Morgan needs to move on. Leah can’t think of a better birthday present for Cecile than reaping Eliza’s spirit if she can figure out why Eliza turned from her reaper. Was Eliza’s death really an accident, or is there a more homicidal reason she stayed?

Getting Eliza to move on means dealing with the local reaper, Andy. Leah only wished that bothered her more. Andy isn’t like other reapers. He shouldn’t light up Leah’s soul, warming her from the inside out, filling up the frozen spaces Leah’s murdered parents left behind.

If only all of Leah’s problems were as straightforward as Eliza Morgan. The constant unknown, the fear that her murderous twin brother, Bobby, might come back and finish what he started six years ago, is wearing Leah down. The thought that Bobby might hurt what family she has left is too horrific to contemplate.

Some problems are like the lingering dead—confusing, exhausting, and they simply don’t know when to give up and move on.

Thank you all so much and as always, stay healthy and as sane as possible.

MJ May

Sow What You Reap Is Now Available!

Good morning everyone (morning where I live). Finally, the first book of the Reaping Covetous series is available for purchase. At this point, it is available on digital only on Kindle/Amazon. There is a print version that should be available in the next week or two. I ordered some proofs of it first to make sure everything looks right. I should get those in by the end of this week and if they look good then I’ll okay the final product for paperback.

This has been a long time coming, or at least I feel that way. I’ll be honest, it’s a weird feeling—lots of work, anticipation, and waiting. I wanted to be really excited yesterday when I got the book uploaded but I felt more queasy than anything. Also tired. Formatting the book was fun with the use of Vellum. From what I’ve read, prior to that kind of software, formatting was anything but fun. The difficult part (for me) was getting it uploaded into Kindle. That took about 3 hours and by the end I just wanted to be done. I think it’s one of those things in life that has a rather large learning curve and then once you travel the path, it becomes easier. Since I’m a newbie, I had to keep looking up terms and making sure I understood the questions. I’m still not convinced I did it all correctly, but again—learning curve.

At this point, there should be 7 books in the series. Currently I am in the middle of writing book 6. Book 2, “Dead Women Tell Tales” should be out mid to late October. My hope was to be able to get the first 3 books out within 1 month of each other and, baring any major catastrophe, I believe I should be able to stick with that schedule.

On other news, Fennik had another birthday at the end of August. He is now a whopping three years old. I can’t believe it’s been that long since he first graced the earth with his presence. I was going to put up a blog post with his latest birthday picture, but I was so busy getting the first book ready that I kept putting it off until enough time had passed that it sort of slipped my mind all together. Sorry Fen Fen. Although, truth be told, I don’t imagine it bothers him much. He got some white cupcake for his birthday and a new hoof. He was a happy boy.

I sincerely hope you enjoy reading “Sow What You Reap”. I’ll put another post up when the paperback copy is available for purchase.

Until next time, stay healthy and as sane as possible. Feel free to drop me a line if you have any questions or comments.

MJ May

Mutant Coneflowers

Happy summer everyone! This picture is from my garden. In a previous post, I spoke of my love for coneflowers. That hasn’t changed and I’ve got a plethora of them blooming right now. And then there’s . . . this. I have no idea. There are a few of them that look similar in the garden. I’ve also got some coneflowers with (as best I can describe it) rolled up petals. It’s bizarre. It’s odd enough I wanted to use it for this post.

It’s been too long since I’ve posted anything. Life is getting the best of me right now. I’m still hard at work getting the Reaping Covetous Series out there. I feel like I’ve been saying that for a while now and there’s a reason for that—it’s because I have. The good news (at least for me) is that book one just came back from copy editing. It will go out for proofreading in a few weeks and then back to me to finish up and finally get released. The cover is currently in the works and I can’t wait to see it. I’m so very excited that this looks to be finally happening. In total, there will be seven books in the series. I’m currently busy on book number five.

Work is . . . work right now. The veterinary profession is in a real crisis. There simply aren’t enough of us to go around. And if general practice is having a struggle, the emergency field is close to a meltdown. Where I live, it’s not unusual for people to have to wait 5+ hours to be seen. I recently got an e-mail from a friend of mine who works in Connecticut (hi Lisa!) and she says it’s as bad there if not worse sometimes. This is a country wide issue and I can’t see a path out of it. All I can say is please have patience with us. We really are doing the best we can with what we have. I know it’s frustrating but please try and be kind. And if you can’t be kind, then don’t be cruel or take it out on the receptionists that have no control over the situation. The strain is starting to affect all of us.

I’m thankful to say my pets are doing just fine. As I write this, Newton is sitting on my arm and making it very difficult to type. He doesn’t understand when I tell him, “mommy’s working”. I’m expecting the paw to my face any minute. He’s taken to doing that, as if sitting on my arm isn’t informative enough that he’s there. He doesn’t intentionally put his claws out (by the way, I just got the paw to the cheek), but they still scratch and don’t feel the best when he does it. I’ve gotten used to keeping one eye on him and when he starts to reach out, I lean back, hopefully out of the way.

That’s all for now. I’ll try and be better about updating. Unfortunately, my fingers aren’t what they used to be and I spend most of my days off writing. By the time I’ve gotten that done, my fingers, hands, and wrists are crap and typing is really hard. That’s life though. We push through it to do what we love.

Stay well and I hope your garden’s are growing well—mutant flowers or no. BTW, in my state, we’ve been told not to feed the birds anymore. Evidently there is some disease that’s killing off the songbirds. Many have died and necropsy isn’t very illuminating as to the cause. To try and help stem the passing of whatever disease this is, the DNR has asked us not to feed them anymore. It’s sad. I just started feeding them this year and really enjoyed it. I miss them. So do the cats. They really enjoyed watching the birds as well as the squirrels and chipmunks the food drew to the area. Sigh . . . so much for kitty enrichment.

MJ May

A Sad Anniversary

Today is a rough day for me. Three years ago I had to say goodbye to my dog, Georgia (todays posted picture). Just past fourteen years old, Georgia had gotten to the point where there were just too many fires to put out with her health. Her quality of life was diminishing daily. It was an agonizing decision and yet at the same time, it was a simple one to make. I felt then, as I still do now, that it was the last kindness I could give her. It was the final decision I would make as her caretaker, as her pet parent, and as a human who desperately loved their dog and would have given anything to have her with me for another fifty years or more.

Georgia and I met when she was nine weeks old. At the time I was living in Virginia and traveled to Maryland to get her. I remember our first meeting well. On the way to see her for the first time, her breeder told me how wonderful Georgia was doing with potty training, that she seemed to understand the concept well and how proud she was of her. Unfortunately when we entered the room she was in, Georgia was proudly sitting next to a pile of poo. It was the first of many moments of laughter she and I shared over the next fourteen years.

I’ve often wondered what made Georgia so special to me, why it broke my heart to lose her and why three years later I still feel the echo of her loss. Without a doubt, she was a wonderful, loving dog. She was kind, forgiving, and beautiful. She was also annoyingly stubborn. During the summer, Georgia wasn’t content inside or outside. I’m sure my neighbors wanted to toss her into the river on more than one occasion when she wouldn’t stop barking. She never slept through the night and for fourteen years I got up at least once, normally twice with her to let her out and try and sooth her. In some ways, she was imperfectly perfect.

The last year of her life was difficult. By that time Georgia was on several different medications for her heart. She had cognitive dysfunction and would pace the kitchen at night. For two years there was a light on in the kitchen 24-7. She was deaf, her eyesight was poor and each day she seemed a little more confused than the last. My days revolved around going to work and caring for her. She had certain meds in the morning, lunchtime and at night. I was up multiple times each night with her and often laid in bed unable to sleep as I listened to her listlessly wander the kitchen floor, toenails clacking, baby gates cordoning off the exits from the kitchen and containing her.

Three years ago today, it was finally time to let her go. As a veterinarian, I euthanized her myself. It was difficult and I did it through dripping tears, whispering words she could no longer hear. She was cremated and her box sits on my mantle, along with the two cats (Phoenix and Luna) she lived with. The first night she was gone, I couldn’t bear to turn the kitchen light off. The next night I cried while flipping a switch that hadn’t been touched in more than two years.

I planted a sycamore tree in her memory. There’s a previous blog with its picture. Some might think that an odd choice, but there’s a large, mature sycamore tree in my front yard and in the fall, Georgia would get the leaves stuck to her head, each leaf so large that it covered her face. Each time she came carting one up to the house I’d laugh. Since that time, I purchase a hyacinth to commemerate her passing. Georgia wouldn’t care about them, but I’ve always liked hyacinths and I plant them outside the front door after they’ve bloomed. Give me another ten years and I’ll have a hyacinth wonderland out there.

The passing time has dulled some of my grief, or perhaps put it into perspective. I have another Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Those of you visiting and reading my blog have seen multiple pictures of Fennik posted. I love Fennik. He’s silly and sweet, and yet I have been unable to bond with him the way I did Georgia and I don’t know why. I’ve often felt guilty about this. Interestingly I find that a lot of my clients feel similarly with their own pets. What is it about that one pet, that one nonhuman companion that digs a hole into our heart, filling it up when they’re with us and leaving it hollow when they’re gone?

Like so many other answers in life, that one eludes me. What I do know is that I cherish my memories of Georgia. This day is hard, but in some ways, that’s the way it should be. As I tell clients all the time, if it’s not difficult to let them go, then we never should have had them in the first place.

MJ May